You know what sucks?

There truly are very few places on Earth that I would personally LOVE to excavate.

And just about every last one of those places are torn to shreds by civil strife.

Iraq has Ur, Babylon, ...fucking BAGHDAD. A birthplace of civilization as we know it. An enlightened medieval cultural metropolis....and now I can't go there and not get beheaded.

Afghanistan: This is one that I've only recently discovered, to be perfectly honest. I...FORGOT that Afghanistan was the very definition of the Silk Road. The fucking Rig Veda was written in Afghanistan, and say what you will about it being a dark aged shitholes filled with dirt, turbans and dirty turbans, Afghanistan IS a fucking incredibly culurally rich place. Even before September 11th, EVERYONE fucking KNEW that Afghanistan was a country. Its one of those great ancient nations, like China, Britain and India. They're probably the most fiercely independent people IN THE HISTORY OF HUMAN CIVILIZATION. Yes, they're giving us a hard time now, like they did the Soviets before us. BEfore then, they gave Alexander the GReat trouble, before him the Persian Empire...Afghanistan had a dynastic empire of its own at one point, and ruled India.
...And its a desert because Ghengis Khan completely destroyed the entire region's irrigation systems...permanently. I wish I knew more. Kabul is over 4,000 years old, but I can't go there without being beheaded either.

Iran: YEah, there was this little thing called the PERSIAN EMPIRE which kind of...kicked ass. But yeah...my head has got to stay on my body.

But enough of "OMG I hate Muslims"

Actually, NO. NOT ENOUGH.

Tunisia: THat's Where Carthage is. That's where Phoenicians lived. They're really important. Whoops, haven for terrorists? Just. Fucking.GReat.

Morocco: The cultural and culinary jewel of North Africa. Now, Al qaida lives in Casablanca. Here's lookin at you, infidel!
Also, Morocco was the first nation in the world to recognize the United States as a legitimate nation. I wouldn't be surprised if I was like 1/128th Moroccan, as well.

Cambodia: This is my best bet, actually. And that's kind of sad. Angkor Wat is, in my eyes, probably the most beautiful ancient city I've ever seen. I eat up Khmer culture as voraciously as I do their food. ...They're still recovering from the Khmer Rouge, which the UN ended only about ten years ago.

Eastern Europe: Romania was Roman, Ottoman, and Slavic(and don't forget the "gypsies"). But do I really have to get into how FUCKED Eastern Eurpoe is?

So...FUCK!

In other news, Harold and Kumar go to White Castle is a VERY accurate portrayal of life in Central JErsey.

Also, can anyone name a country that has a fully embedded, widely embraced indiginous pagan religion...besides Japan? Is there another Shinto that I'm just not thinking about? I'm not talking about Wicca. Its not in North America, because if it was, people would have been Cherokee weddings since day one. Its not anywhere in the UK, because...they were FULLY christianized. Druidism, etc came back BECAUSE of groups like the Golden Dawn. Asatru revival doesn't count...I'm talking about an indiginous releigion that just never went away. I could say Hindu...because it really is similar to Shinto...but Hindu is a major fucking religion. AM I just missing something?

Also, I am no longer a half mic half wop. I prefer the term "Neo Celtiberian"...which is an actual term, believe it or not.

So yeah...the next time one of my Italian friends claims to have noble blood d'italia...I'm gonna be like "My people sacked Rome. FUCK YOU. I'm stealing this Beer menu for HANNIBAL"

For future reference, the most accurate and hilarious racial slur for me is "You Island hopping McDarkness"

Also, I learned how to hover like David Blaine today. I just can't hover as high as he can, yet.